It's been a while since I've done an all-out bitch post, for a couple of reasons. One, there hasn't been much for me to bitch about, and Two, I always risk offending someone I really care about as a friend when I do it. Considering I actually went to the realm forums last night to see if any guilds are recruiting warlocks, I'd say it's worth that risk.
Before I go into what happened last night, I will say that I have had some scary emails from my sister over the past two weeks. My dad's white blood cells are at a point where his body cannot fight off infection, and she finally admitted to me that she is scared, so I know my fears are justified. I've known for 30 years that a simple infection could get out of control fast, but it's never been as real as it is now. I actually was in tears picking out a Father's Day card for him today, because I am so scared that this will be his last one.
Okay, last night. I had signed up early, and when I checked, was still listed as accepted, rather than standby. Go pick up my son from cross-country practice, come home and see Oct at Ulduar. Whisper Dem for an invite as I scroll up to see where I missed mine. No invite. Check the calendar, I'm listed as standby. Whisper Dem again, angry. No answer. Ask myself if I really want to quit a guild that I've been in for almost a year and has so many people I care about. The answer, plus the thought of a wall of pink text that would ensue, kept me from acting too hastily. I listened to the FL kill with two towers up, and couldn't do any more. By this point, it was all I could do to concentrate on questing in Silithus, and I kept alt-tabbing to read my sister's emails. At one point, we lost all our cable service, including internet, so I was able to discuss what was going on with my dad with Bryan and cry in his arms.
I feel like I'm being left behind in the guild. I feel like there is a whole tier of people that are the golden children, and I am the person they call on when they can't get anyone else. Sometimes it feels like progress gets ahead of people, and I'm not important. I understand that we have to progress and hard decisions have to be made, but I resent always being last. Oct doesn't understand, and I doubt he ever will.
Dammit, I'm not a horrible player, so why can't you get me in on the fights where I do well, even if I have to sit later? Why can't you at least let me try Hodir, since at this point the experience and gear gap is going to make it so I can't come in before too long? And why do I feel like I'm being thrown a bone every time I'm asked to come in?
3 years ago