...is not an oncoming train!
Real life is starting to get better. Wednesday and Thursday we learned that, although my Dad's bone marrow is not sufficiently recovered from the chemotherapy to keep his blood counts up, the cancer is not growing, and may have shrunk (rereading that to check my grammar - if I'm wrong, one of y'all send me a tell, please). Things are moving along with my job, so hopefully I'll be ready to start soon, and I'm almost ready to come back to raiding.
The experience of stepping back and taking a break has been an interesting one. It's always a risk when you tell someone how extreme your reaction to an encounter is, like I did with the Hodir fight. I don't want Dev to constantly worry that I'm getting overwhelmed in the more movement and graphics-intensive fights. I learned to regulate my breathing during Sartherion with 3 drakes; I can do it again. Plus, since I've opened the door, I can say, "this is way too overwhelming, is there someone who can sub in." I doubt I'd do that though, it's like going to an amusement park with my family. I can not go on any rides and deprive Bryan and the boys of my presence, or I can go on a few that I don't think will be too much for me to handle, and deal with it the best I can.
Another thing that has made this break interesting is seeing the reactions of my guildies. When you are used to being treated like a liability, learning to see yourself as an asset isn't easy. I never realized that my being there had an impact on the mood of the raid until one of my friends said something, then one night, I saw it, and it hit me like a ton of bricks: this is what people have been trying to tell me since February. It's not a patronizing, "we'll keep you in even though you can't do the dps because we feel sorry for you and it makes us feel like better people," either. It's a geniune appreciation for who I am, and I appreciate them for the support they've given me.
Speaking of giving support, if you give blood regularly, you have the sincere thanks and appreciation of my family. If you don't, please consider it if you are healthy enough.
4 years ago