Thursday, May 28, 2009

An open letter to those with whom I game

Lil of InTheFringes highlighted an open internet letter, and gave an answer from the perspective of a nondisabled person, which I thought was brilliant. Still, this has been percolating in my mind to do, and she has inspired me. So here is a list of things that I'd like you to understand:
  • I have good days and bad days. I don't always understand the reason for the bad days either, so if I can't make the Thaddius jump or stay out of runes when I could last week, don't ask me why, just be patient or replace me.
  • Fatigue and alcohol make my issues worse. That's why I will let you know if I'm drinking, if you can't tell by my slurred speech. It's also why the end of a raid is so hard for me.
  • I don't resent you for being nondisabled. I do not, however, want to hear it if you risk your amazing brains by engaging in dangerous activities without a helmet, eye protection, etc.
  • I won't always tell you if I'm offended. We live in a culture where it is acceptable to make derogatory comments about disabilities. It bothers me when you do, but I'm not going to rock the boat or cause drama.
  • I love it when you let me use self-deprecating humor. To me, that is the ultimate sign of acceptance, when I can joke about being brain-damaged with you and you don't freak out.
  • My husband is my caregiver in real life at times, he's not when we are in-game. Please don't assume that we are talking about anything, or that I will accept help from him more readily than I will from you. There are also times when he just needs a break from dealing with my issues.
  • It's easier for me to give help than accept it. Some of you have mastered the art of quiet insistence to get me to let you help me, and I appreciate it.
  • If I'm asking for help, I really need it. It may just be advice, or it may be physical, but if I'm asking and you can, please do.
  • I won't always ask to be included. I always appreciate when you include me though. Ninja-invites tell me that you trust me to do my job.
  • I don't mind educating about my disabilities. If you have a question, ask.
  • I don't want or need your pity. I do pretty well with what I deal with and a lot of it is due to the fact that people have pushed me to do as much as I could. Help me overcome barriers, but don't pity me.
  • I admire and appreciate you, even when I don't show it. I am truly in awe of your abilities and your character. Thanks for being my friend!


  1. Honestly you sound like another woman... AKA me and are just human like... everyone else! :D

    In short - you smell
    like roses...
    in a poo garden
    of dr00d love! :)

  2. /hugs Carol! You, like Lils, deal emphatically with the hand you were dealt, and you make us all stronger by sharing with us. Thanks for this, I needed a new perspective today.