Friday, April 17, 2009

Attitude is Everything

Lots on my mind this morning, not the least of which is all the stuff I need to get done today, and the fact that I overdid it yesterday and my bursitis is acting up. Could be worse, I can still move.
Yesterday, I did 10 man vault on my druid, and was in the unique position of being the only one who had seen the fight before. I realized how much the guys I play with can intimidate me without meaning to. It's also easier to explain a fight when you are mashing buttons 1-4 than when you are clicking colored boxes, especially since my push to talk is bound to my 5th mouse button to make playing the lock easier. After a few attempts, we got him down.
Last night was my non-raiding night. I never know how I'm going to react when I get home and see my guild progressing through content. I chose not to get on vent during their attempts on Razorscale, because it's harder for me to make sure the kids are doing what I need them to if I'm listening to battle conversations. Long story short, they got him down! Grats to CRC, grats to Larry on your fragment, I know you will use it well, and grats to Flip and Younger on your loots, I'm so excited for y'all.
It became clear to me once I got the kids to bed and got on vent that I am going to be over my head in Ulduar. The thing is, no one is going to say, "This content is too hard for you." My husband's even stopped saying that, having been proven wrong too many times. I don't tend to listen to what my husband tells me about fights in Ulduar after a certain point. For one, our raid leaders are likely to employ different strategies, and I need to focus on what CRC is doing. One of Dev's sayings is that we progress as a team, and I know that if I listen to them, I will be successful.
I went to bed, fully intending to find a chance today to have a hard conversation with Dev about whether I can honestly call myself a raid member and wondering if he's trying to balance my feelings with what's best for the raid a little too much. I woke up this morning with a blinding flash of insight. You can replace dps, but you can't replace attitude. I'm the person who shows up to raids with food, flasks, and shards. I'm the person who reads up on fights before the encounter so I know my job, and I'm the person who analyzes WoW Web Stats to see where I'm losing dps. I'm the person who quietly steps out, sheds my tears, and forces myself to extend congratulations on first kills.
Where does this leave me for Sunday? I know I'm going to have trouble with the deconstructor fight. The only option is prepare, show up, run if I'm needed, and step out if necessary. That's what I do. Supporting me and giving me a place to call home, that's what CRC does.

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